I’m not trusted, and that’s really hard to accept and has zapped me of all my energy. This comes down to an issue over pay — I have been overpaid, I need to pay it back. The person I spoke to in HR can’t trust that I haven't got a refund from HMRC and not told them. Yet I was the person to tell HR that they had overpaid me, to share all my payslips from Cabinet Office which they clearly haven't bothered to look at. I’ve also paid back what I thought I had. I feel unsupported by my organisation, my line manager is great but it is down to me to work it out — and I want to. I was quite sanguine about this for ages, pay is not something that I have liked to monitor closely and it’s frankly been all over the place because of my loan. I find it a distraction but maybe this approach is a self for fulling prophecy maybe I should devote one or two hours a month to work out if I have been paid correctly, maybe I shouldn't trust my organisation anymore… this feels very hard and not the mindset I want to cultivate or feed but hear I am doing just that.
The start of the week was good though, I should reframe that. Much in this week was good and lovely. I bought more stationary, this time to give to everyone that comes to the SLT Awayday — my brain has been thinking about in person events and what it is that I truly miss from online only, what is it that we can do together in person — and the big thing really is the shared context of the common space, the nuances and intensity that we get from all of our senses being involved. Ohhhh maybe we should have a taste test — or do the marshmallow exercise. Also Nour Sidawi has been a rock, and is going to have a look at my current workings out on my pay… also I dropped the boom shell that maybe Nour, Clare and I should write a book. I mentioned it to Mirren as well when we had our chats which were lovely, lots of great plans bubbling for inclusion week and we maybe taking a bid for a member of staff through the Care Leavers Internship Scheme — we have to get our bid in on Monday — if we are lucky and we get someone they will be with us for a year… at least and could go permanent. Exciting.
I joined my first ever Breakfast Therapy today — it was really lovely: books and articles and other peoples thinking — it really got me into a better frame of mind this morning but 7:00am is quite early for me and the brain was not firing on all cylinders, due to the fog from the pay stuff. Lots of hard questions with no answers — and some answers with no questions. Hopefully I make next month. So nice to meet-up with people from around the world progressing each others thoughts.
At our All Hands we had a brilliant chat from David (what an excellent name) from Wakelyns — Suffolk organic agroforestry, food, horticulture hub I’d never thought about agroforestry about rows of trees before, I mean I’m not sure what I had thought but previous things I have seen were with cows, sheep and boar and this wasn’t that — and it was just spiritually my kind of place. So tempting to do some crowd funding to by the field next door. Ah pipe dreams.
Memory Jar
Holding Eloise’s hand as we walked home from Day 2 of Little Green School. Also from the weekend: friends, hugs, high fives, football and stars – it was just magical.
I had these links in a draft weeknotes for one of the weeks in August. So without context.
